I hate feeling distant. The fact that I’m so damn scared to reach out to talk to others hurts. Like I want to interact with people more, but I’m so use to being alone and not having someone to share stuff with that it just became a part of me. And then when I do talk to folks, I get nervous and overwhelmed. Then I feel stupid because I don’t have much to say and can’t keep a conversation going like I’m not smart enough. And I just constantly feel like I’m watching others have fun and become friends with each other while I’m off to the side by myself. And the ones I would consider my friends, I feel like I’m not trying hard enough to show it, and then I end up worrying that I’m making them think I’m bored of them or uninterested, and that is NOT the case at all.
I treasure everyone who has ever been kind to me and shown interest and reached out first. So I guess I’m trying to say is that if I ever come off like I’m indifferent or annoyed, I promise you I’m not. And thank you to those who always messaging me first and genuinely wants to talk. It means a lot.